I’m feeling isolated this week, despite having seen my dad and a plumber in real-life. So I’ve been bouncing around online and found the following image on Facebook with a bunch of questions I thought it would be fun to answer. There’s no credit in the image, so I have no idea where it originated…but I’m going to answer them anyway. This…this is the post…
- Who’s the last person you held hands with? – I genuinely can’t remember. I’ve been locked in my home for almost a full year. So it’s been a while. So I’m going to say it was character-actor James Cromwell.
- Are you outgoing or shy? – I’m shy. But you could be forgiven for thinking I’m outgoing. Because I tend to deal with my shyness by being kinda over-the-top when I’m in situations where I HAVE to be sociable.
- Who are you looking forward to seeing? – EVERYONE. Even people I hate. I would LOVE to be pissed off at people I don’t like very much in an office or a grocery store or a bank. But mostly my family.
- Are you easy to get along with? – I suppose that depends on the context. I’d like to think so, but I also know I can be a real pain in the ass and VERY standoffish and combative depending on the situation.
- If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? – I’m 40. This question doesn’t mean anything anymore.
- What kind of people are you attracted to? – Anyone who presents themselves as confident, who obviously doesn’t need me. Like character-actor James Cromwell.
- Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? – I don’t even think I’ll be OUTSIDE two months from now, since so many assholes just REFUSE to wear masks and skip their precious fucking youth group meetings for a couple weeks. So no.
- Who’s on your mind? – Character actor James Cromwell.
- Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? – Depends on who I’m talking to…but yeah, kinda, I guess. Like…I don’t want to do it right NOW…
- Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? – I guess that depends on what you mean by “deep.” And honestly what you mean by “conversation” too… Recently someone I used to know passed away and I had a couple intense chats/texts about it…but in-person conversation? That might go back as far as my grandma’s funeral in July 2020.
- What does the most recent text that you sent say? – “Thanks!” Scandalous, huh?
- What are your five favorite songs right now? – Impossible to answer. But the stuff I’ve most recently had stuck in my head are Frank Zappa’s “Bobby Brown Goes Down,” Pink Floyd’s “On the Turning Away,” Prince’s “Sometimes it Snows in April,” Ani DiFranco’s “Untouchable Face,” and John Lennon’s “Imagine.” None of those would be anywhere near my top-five all-time favorites…but they’ve recently been on my mind.
- Do you like it when people play with your hair? – I’m pretty seriously losing it…so my answer is “what hair?”
- Do you believe in luck and miracles? – The short answer is luck, yes; miracles, no. (There’s a complicated theological reason for the latter…long-story short, I think most people experience luck and call it a miracle.)
- What good thing happened this summer? – When was summer? Was that the part where I was stuck inside because some assholes won’t wear masks or the part where I was stuck inside because some assholes won’t step a couple feet back standing in line at the grocery store and also keep going to the zoo and eating in restaurants and shit like that?
- Would you like to kiss the last person you kissed again? – Clearly the person who wrote these questions is a teenager who has no idea what the new feelings in their pants are…but sure…fine…whatever…I’d do it if they asked I guess.
- Do you think there is life on other planets? – No. And if there is, who gives a shit? And why do people always assume aliens are going to be so much more advanced than us and traveling around looking to find us and interact with us? Why wouldn’t they be just as stupid and useless or even worse than we are? Fuck aliens, man. Imaginary cryptid bullshit.
- Do you still talk to your first crush? – I have no memory of who my first crush was. Maybe?
- Do you like bubble baths? – I take baths semi-regularly to help with my sciatica, but I don’t feel the need to add bubbles or salts or other shit to them. The hot water and a good book is enough for me. But I’m not opposed to them.
- Do you like your neighbors? – Most of them. Don’t know some of them. Like the guy to the left has a little yappy dog that does not care for it when I take out the trash, but otherwise I haven’t ever seen him. But the ones I’ve met are fine.
- What are your bad habits? – It would be easier to list the good ones. I’ll keep it simple… I’m lazy as fuck.
- Where would you like to travel? – Down the block would feel extravagant at the moment, what with all those fuckers who won’t wear masks or social distance and so-on.
- Do you have trust issues? – Absolutely.
- Favorite part of your daily routine? – Lunch, I suppose.
- What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? – Any part that requires me taking off my shirt.
- What do you do when you wake up. – Post-pandemic–roll over, open my laptop, log into work, and work for 8.5 hours. Pre-pandemic–who the fuck can remember?
- Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? – Who the fuck cares?
- Who are you most comfortable around? – Probably my brother and dad. And character-actor James Cromwell.
- Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? – First of all it should be “exes.” Second of all fuck you.
- Do you ever want to get married? – I’m 40. This question doesn’t mean anything anymore.
- Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? – No, but it has been in the past…that’s…that’s where you’re ending this? That’s your big, zinger last question?
I got mad at that questionnaire partway through…but there you go. That’s a post.
- The Hold Steady – Open Door Policy
- Frank Zappa – Zappa Movie Soundtrack