I’ve been meaning to write more but I’ve been busy with other projects and concerns. Sorry about that. I’ll try to get a couple/few posts on the blog before my inevitable end-of-the-year “top ten albums” list. Before all else, I just want to note that I love coming to this page in the holiday season and seeing the neat falling snow that lives on the page for a little while. I forget about it every year, and then when I see it I immediately get happy and feel a sense of peace about things.
Here’s a dumb fucking survey I pulled off a website:
55 If You Could Would You Questions Survey
- Would you go back in time?
Sure. But hopefully only to observe. I wouldn’t want to change anything, including the bad stuff, because then I’d probably dissolve in a weird, Back to the Future way and another me would take my place and that guy would probably suck.
- Would you jump the president?
Woah…this got intense fast. I’d assault him with my words, but not my fists. I don’t want to go to jail…but I would like to make him cry. In front of his kids, if possible.
- Would you assasinate someone?
That isn’t how you spell “assassinate” so I’m going to say no. In fact, no to both questions. I wouldn’t want to assassinate anyone, and I don’t think I’ve got the ass to “assasinate” anybody.
- Would you assasinate me for these stupid questions?
Again, that’s not how you spell “assassinate.” But yes. With my words. In front of your kids.
- Would you scare little kids senseless?
Yours and Trump’s, maybe. Guess that depends on how they feel watching their respective parent cry because of my words.
- Would you buy a whole store? Which one?
I don’t think I’d want the responsibility…but my brother and I have daydreamed about opening our own record store in the past, and that idea comes back to mind occasionally.
- Would you lick your own toe?
Would and have.
- Would you own a food store?
No. Way too much work.
- Would you dominate the world?
You are ALL OVER THE PLACE. I guess if my record store and grocery stores failed, sure…the next logical step is world domination.
- Would you murder Justin Bieber? If not, why?
What the fuck? No. I have a basic opposition to murder as a concept. Why would you even ask somebody that?
- Would you tie your friend up so he/she would stop critizing you?
Now you’ve misspelled “criticizing.” And you’re starting to scare the shit out of me with your ultra-violent questions. Yes, I would.
- Would you stalk your favorite celebrity? Who?
Define “stalk.” I’d see a celebrity I admire walking down the street and maybe follow them into a store hoping to say hello. I would not follow them to their home. And if they had their family or something with them, I’d probably not even go into the store.
- Would you model everyone to be just like you?
I don’t think I understand this question. Does this mean would I want everyone to be just like me? Because no. Oh, God…there are 55 questions in this and it’s going so badly.
- Would you sing with Adam Lambert?
In a heartbeat. He’s a great singer. He’d sing circles around me, though.
- Would you make a useless product and be a billionaire?
That’s the dream.
- Would you go out of states? Possibly the whole world?
What? I’d travel abroad, sure…are you asking if I’d go into space? I mean…probably not, unless we had a viable settlement on a planet with a breathable atmosphere…but that’s some sci-fi shit there…
- Would you kill someone close?
Who ARE you? No. Not…not on purpose.
- Would you hunt vampires, or become one of them?
I guess I’d rather hunt them than be one.
- Would you kill off the goverment?
Now you’ve misspelled “government.” And no. The government HAS to exist if nothing else than for the business of running the government and keeping the illusion of peace. I’d revamp some things, sure…but eliminate it? No. (And why “kill” it? Are you a serial murderer and this is how you’re telling us?)
- Would you help the ocean?
Help it do what? What are the ocean’s goals? What is its five-year plan? Does it have backers?
- Would you make Spongebob a girl?
Did someone want him to be? Does SpongeBob want to be? What?
- Would you rule the world?
Well, I mean, if I’m already dominating it, I may as well rule it…
- Would you put all your favorite celebrities in your house and never let them go?
That sounds illegal and crazy. You have problems.
- Would you have magical power?
I am unsure what word or pluralization(s) you’ve omitted. So yes.
- Would you kiss your favorite celebrity? Who?
I’m struggling with who my “favorite celebrity” is…but if they were consenting, sure. I’d kiss ’em right in the face. (In this scenario, their lips go AROUND my lips.)
- Would you redo Twilight?
I think we said all we needed to say with Twilight in its present form.
- Would you kidnap Robert Pattinson?
Jesus, no…why would I want to kidnap ANYONE? I might say hello to him in a bar, is all.
- How about Taylor Lautner?
Still no. Was he the werewolf one? He seemed nice.
- Would you touch Pattinson’s Hair?
Sure, I guess, if it were on the table. But how would that go? “Excuse me, are you Robert Pattinson?” “I am! TOUCH MY FUCKING HAIR!”
- Would you live out your deepest fantasy?
I believe the wish to live out our fantasies is why we have them, so sure I’d probably try. But it’d get replaced by a new fantasy and I’d be in an endless loop of that. Living the dream eventually ends in never really finding happiness because you’re always chasing something else. The chase is better than the catch.
- Would you go out with ALL of the boys in your school?
- Would you ride a Unicorn?
I would ride the shit out of that fucking thing.
- How about eat one?
I would eat the shit out of that fucking thing.
- Would you be president?
No. I’m already the dominator and ruler of the world. Seems a step down.
- Would you hunt down the guy who is destroying the ocean?
Is someone doing that? Even if so, I’ve got a day job and it kinda limits my time.
- Would you a different race?
You’re missing at least one very significant word and I have no way to answer this as a result. So…maybe?
- Would you be a animal? Which one?
I don’t think so…I like having thoughts and stuff.
- Would you run fast as a snail?
Is that an achievement? I might already do that.
- Would you eat your own arm off?
I’d need a damn good reason, that’s for sure.
- Would you do this and that?
I think I hate you.
- Would you get a new mom?
Depends on what kind of resale value I’d get on the old one, I guess.
- A new dad?
No to this one. I’m keeping my dad.
- Would you quit your job?
What are the circumstances? I presently don’t want to. Do I win a flobbity-gillion dollars and don’t need to work? Do my bosses do something I find reprehensible (which is unlikely–they’re good people)? Do I finally find love and move to a different state? Do I like clinically NEED to follow Pearl Jam around and I just don’t have the PTO? I’m doing pretty good there and I like it, so I’m going to need to know more…
- Would you help save the environment?
I’m not really presently actively wounding it…so I guess so.
- Would you eat little kids? What about the annoying ones?
- Would you eat 500 dollars?
Before I’d eat a kid, sure!
- Would you build a house?
I mean…I’d probably need that $500 back for some materials…
- Would you learn a foreign language?
- Would you live your life without electricity?
If I HAD to, I’d try to find a way. But I wouldn’t opt to if electricity remained readily available to me.
- Would you fix my grammer?
Grammar. And I have been this whole time.
- Would you tell all your friends you’re a geek?
My friends have met me.
- What about a nerd?
I’m not a nerd. I’m a geek. Nerds are more academically inclined while geeks are just obsessive about their hobbies.
- Would you join a nudist colony?
Probably not. I don’t mind people seeing the ol’ dingus, but I don’t like taking my shirt off in public.
- Would you steal something?
Have done. Didn’t feel great. Haven’t again.
- Would you kiss a stranger?
Only my favorite celebrity.
Well. That was weird. Hope you had fun with it. I didn’t.
Current Listening: The new U2 album. It’s fucking great.