We’re all guilty of it. Something comes along that’s kind of funny or unique or entertaining, and we like it so we jump on board…but then it gets ground into the–uhh–ground to the point that it’s irritating to even think about it. That happens a LOT in the day and age of the Internet, and it’s a FAST transition from “that’s hilarious!” to “the hell with that thing!” So, with that in mind, here is a list of trends I’m OVER. Because I have so little else to say. (And yes, I was on board with several of these at one point…so one finger pointing at you, rest at myself, and all that…)
Fair warning: This gets a little bit sweary. Sorry. I promise I’ll grow up some day.
Sick of it. It was funny for a while, but we’re done here. Pirates aren’t really funny anyway. There’s a romance to them in literature…but the real ones are just brutal, and yes they’re still out there. But the fact that it’s a real-world problem isn’t why I’m sick of it. I’m mostly just sick of 20-year-olds yelling, “Arr!” at me.
Same basic thing. Except I’m not really sure why the ninja thing was ever supposed to be funny. When I was a kind in the 80s, we had a surge of ninja-based movies…and they were awesome. So I guess it’s kind of a throwback to that. But I just didn’t really get the whole ninja thing.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll come back. I love zombies, and I’ll get back on board. It’s just over done these days. I honestly can’t remember the last time I went 24 hours without hearing about the “Zombie Apocalypse” (or “Zombocalypse”). I blame “The Walking Dead.” And I like that show, don’t misread me. It’s just that the show’s SO good that now zombies are everywhere all of the time. And it’s enough. Let it rest so I can enjoy it again, please.
Seriously…what’s the last movie that had a twist plot-point to it that didn’t involve aliens? Aliens are the answer to EVERYTHING now. Hell, the last Indiana Jones movie may as well have been called “Indiana Jones and the Search for Spock.” I’m sick of it. Flat-out sick of it to the point that I’m almost bored of sci-fi. (Though I’ll never betray Star Trek or Doctor Who—but those are different situations. Aliens are treated as other cultures rather than mysteries.)
I don’t know why it’s funny. I don’t know why women think it’s funny to draw one on their finger and hold it under their nose. I don’t know why they make a mustache decal you can put on the front of your car. I don’t know why people throw mustache parties. I don’t get it. At all. It’s just a damn mustache.
- Chuck Norris
You know what? Screw Chuck Norris. He’s batshit crazy, he hasn’t done anything worth watching since the ninja trend in the 80s and the only thing I have enjoyed about him at ALL was the Chuck Norris Lever on the old Conan show—and that’s because it pointed out that he’s batshit crazy and hasn’t done anything worth watching since the ninja trend in the 80s. Chuck Norris is a walking joke, and he doesn’t even know it. He can sell all the solo-flex-ab-shaping-and-shame-building machines he wants. But I’m sick of hearing about how he’s unstoppable and invented water. And I also don’t find HIS mustache very funny either.
- Things Being Gluten Free
For the 1% of society (and I think that’s an actual statistic) that has celiac disease, it’s a legitimate need. For the rest of you, you heard words you didn’t understand on “Nightline” and diagnosed yourself as having an “allergy.” Celiac disease is a disease. It’s not a trend. People who have diseases want and deserve treatment and cures…they don’t need trendy-assed soccer moms screwing up potato chips and rice for the rest of us.
- Everybody Having “ADD”
Attention Deficit Disorder is a real thing and it deserves our attention. However, it is not to be confused with a kid being a kid and not giving a shit about school and being wired from too much sugar. It also shouldn’t be confused with bad parents who can’t tolerate all the noise from the kids they probably shouldn’t have had right out of high-school, so they drug the kid and strip them of their personality. (My generation is typically impatient—and kids are typically loud and irritating…so we’ve decided to drug them because WE’RE terrible people, not because THEY’RE sick.) It also should not be confused with someone who just doesn’t pay a-fucking-ttention. But for those who actually have it, you have my complete sympathy and support.
What’s that one rap song? You know… The one that’s about the bitches and the hos and the money? That one? I think it’s new? Oh…wait…no… That’s every rap song since like 1990. We’re done here.
And that’s just a sampling. If you get to know me, you’ll find that I’m even MORE bitter and hate-filled under the surface!
- The Clash
- Neurotic Outsiders
- Iggy and the Stooges