Easter Sundry (See what I did there?)

Well happy almost not Easter anymore.  Hopefully this goes up before it’s Half Price Jellybean Monday.

Led worship at church this week.  Had fun.  Here’s the song list:

  1. The Easter Song
  2. The Blood Will Never Lose Its Power (communion song)
  3. Because He Lives
  4. Victory in Jesus
    T-Shirt Worn: Foo Fighters (classic red, lightning bolt logo)

This was my first Easter worshipping at Pursuit.  Enjoyed it quite a bit.  Crowd was a little thinner than usual.  That’s to be expected.  When your church is our size and our age, Easter thins out your numbers.  Easter’s one of those holidays where a lot of people go to church with their parents or grandparents, and that usually includes going to some big, old building…whereas we meet in a LITTLE old building that was recently restored.  So we have a smaller group on days like this.  But that’s cool.  We still had a good time and a good service.

It struck me today just how much I like talking to the people I go to church with.  When I was an active music minister, I kind of chose not to reveal a few things about myself, but as a member at Pursuit, I’ve been pretty open about everything—particularly the stuff I wouldn’t have mentioned when I was regularly music ministering.  When I was in ministry, I saw church people at church times, and I kept my other friends somewhat removed from that (not that they wouldn’t have fit in).  But in this case, I actually hang out with a lot of the same people I go to church with.  I know that probably doesn’t sound like a big deal to a lot of people…but it kinda is.  (And I hope that if I ever go back into vocational ministry, I’ll be able to keep it going.  There’s no joy in being a minister and having to forfeit your self.)  I walked in today and saw people who were already aware of how things are going in my life.  People who already have seen my warts-and-all, and for some reason still want to go get a donut from time to time.  Briefly chatted with Jeremy and he said he’s excited to lead worship with me next week, since it’s been a while.  I said I am too…and I wasn’t just being nice.  I get to lead worship with my friend next week.  And that’s pretty awesome.

Anyway…I’m kind of babbling…  All I’m saying is that it’s nice to go to church and know that the relationships are there.  I like that I don’t have to pull punches about who I am and what I like to do.  I know ministers who can’t admit to enjoying a glass of wine or even seeing R-Rated movies.  And that’s sad.  I can be who I am, strive to be better, and have people care about me along the way.  Just dawned on me to actually appreciate it today.  So…y’know…blog.

That’s it for now.  As a side note, I’ve been writing from a new laptop recently–an Asus something or other with Windows 7.  I like it a lot.  Windows 7 has plenty of cool bells and whistles that actually WORK, as opposed to Vista, and the laptop’s got some cool stuff of its own.  I’ve got a webcam, which might actually lead to me relaunching the podcast and making it a vlog or vodcast or whatever they call it when there are videos.  Guess I should look into a YouTube channel, while I’m at it.  Anyway…enjoying the new laptop and enjoyed Easter.  Hope you all did too.  (The Easter part, I mean…I don’t think any of you have played with my laptop.)

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Current Listening:

  • Lou Reed – Set the Twilight Reeling
  • Mark Lanegan Band – Blues Funeral

Yo’ Mama So Fat: Jesus Edition

We all know the concept of the “Yo’ Mama So Fat…” joke.  I’m not going to explain that.  But I will explain the Jesus part.

Recently a friend of mine posted on Facebook that he was looking at the Bible and considering things Jesus DIDN’T say.  (Things that we’ve somehow inferred, but that he doesn’t actually say.)  So I figured I’d have some fun with that and suggested things like, “You guys know what’s great? Indoor plumbing.” and “Wow! Electricity!”  Y’know…because I’m dead inside.  But then I wrote something that made me laugh and I’ve since shared with a few people.  I wrote “There’s also a shocking lack of “Yo’ Mama So Fat” jokes in the Sermon on the Mount.”  That captured my imagination, and it kinda grew from there.

So as proof that I’m going to Hell, here’s a list of “Yo’ Mama So Fat” jokes I wrote that Jesus could deliver, if it ever came to that.

  1. Yo’ mama so fat that in the beginning, God created the earth and the sky and yo’ mama.
  2. Yo’ mama so fat that Jonah’s scared of her.
  3. Yo’ mama so fat I ran out of loaves and fishes.
  4. Yo’ mama so fat that Moses didn’t part the Red Sea, he just had yo’ mama jump in.
  5. Yo’ mama so fat they didn’t roll away a stone, they rolled away yo’ mama.
  6. Yo’ mama so fat if she’d been on the Ark, they’d’ve had to add on 40 cubits.
  7. Yo’ mama so fat, blessed are the hungry, for they won’t look like yo’ mama.
  8. Yo’ mama so fat God couldn’t lift her.
  9. Yo’ mama so fat that Abraham’s descendents will be like the stars in the sky and the sun is yo’ mama.
  10. Yo’ mama so fat she’d take up all three crosses.
  11. Yo’ mama so fat that if Judas betrayed her, he’d have to ask for forty more pieces of silver.

As a side note, in a “Yo’ Mama So Fat” competition, Jesus has a major advantage.  His mother was, of course, the Virgin Mary.  And it’s just not cool to make fun of her.

Well…  Feel free to add your own in the comments.  See you in Hell, folks!

How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Alright, well…  Simpson’s quote copied and pasted…  Let’s get caught up.

  1. Been irritated over the past few days.  Reasons largely unspecified.
  2. My niece Tessa spends most of her day babbling and singing.  She’s turning four this month, so that’s a natural thing.  She was singing a song she made up when she was in the car with my brother and I the other night.  And it was actually kinda catchy.  Assuming she didn’t steal it from somewhere, Dave and I kinda want to write it.  Does that count as a cover song?
  3. Okay…  Got to address this sooner or later, so let’s just dive in.  (Serious Voice begins.)  Many of you have probably seen the CNN report that names Pinehaven Christian Children’s Ranch and alleges they’ve been abusive toward children who were in their care.  It saddens me to hear about that, and I hope there are some good answers that are going to be presented very, very soon.  I haven’t dug too deeply into it yet, but I want to believe that Pinehaven isn’t as guilty as what I’ve heard would paint them to be.  A lot of you probably don’t know that Bob Larsson (the ranch owner) is my cousin—though I should immediately clarify that I’ve only had approximately three to five conversations with him in my life, counting two e-mails sent in the early 2000’s.  Being that there’s family involved, I won’t say anything about the allegations, particularly since I don’t know anything…but I will say that child abuse is a subject I feel strongly about.  It is a vile, reprehensible, damnable offense, and I do not stand for it.  I hope I am right in feeling that from what I know of him, it would be VERY hard for me to believe that Bob would ever knowingly endanger a child.  (I am presently unclear on if he has been personally accused or is just in a position of having to face the media since he runs the ranch.)  And that’s likely to be all I’ll say about it until the details are clearer.  (Serious Voice ends.)
  4. On a happier note…  I am now the proud owner of a TWSBI Diamond 540 fountain pen.  It’s really cool.  Though it does highlight my terrible penmanship.  The packaging impressed me from moment one, with an embossed outer box, and internal packaging that looks like what would happen if the Apple people got into making pens.  Smooth writing.  Presently using Noodler’s American Eel Black ink.  Want to try some blue soon—I think Noodler’s also makes a Midnight Blue and a Blue-Black that would fit my taste.  (Nobody cares.  I know that.)
  5. Watching CMAs.  Unsure why…  Think I already missed Steve Martin and whatever tribute to Earl Scruggs they were going to do.
  6. My new laptop should be arriving to the store tomorrow.  Super excited, mixed with irritated that it wasn’t here in time for the weekend.  Hope it’s ready for actual pick-up tomorrow.  Worst-case, it’ll be Tuesday, I guess.
  7. I knew Motorhead was making a vodka (which, to my knowledge will not be available in the States, at least at first), but I have just found out they’re making a Shiraz as well.  (That’s a wine, for those who do not partake.)  I’m going to try to get my hands on that.  But…seriously, Motorhead.  Why aren’t you making whiskey???
  8. Sitting around drinking Guinness Black Lager.  It’s like…WAY better than I remembered.  Still not as good as actual Guinness, but I short-changed it on my Tumblr post that I wrote about it a few months back.
  9. Wrestlemania’s tonight.  I’m not watching it, and I’m just kinda peeking in at the results online every now and again.  So this is barely worth mentioning…  But I would’ve felt weird blogging on the night of Wrestlemania and not mentioning it.
  10. Congrats to my friend Jonco over at Bits & Pieces on ten years of helping to fill the Internet with nonsense!  🙂
  11. Found a new solution for mastering music that’s going to save me TONS of time and create a really good sound.  Re-mastered the rough mix of the tracks I’ve done so far for my next record, and it sounds pretty good.  Can’t wait to master something for real!

…and that’ll do for now.  Enjoy your pants.