This is How Much We Care!

I get a lot of “business” type mailings.  I got one the other day that I felt it necessary to share.  I’ll withhold the name of the business that sent it to me for what will probably be obvious reasons…  But suffice to say they sent me this hoping it would be a fun little illustration of the way they run their business.  They were trying to show me that they care about the end result so much that…well…you’ll see.  (FYI – I’m assuming they copied this from somewhere, but they gave no credit, so neither can I.  They care so much, they DON’T care about intellectual property rights!)

I present to you—unedited and in the exact form it was sent to me—“SEL not SPEL!”


A newly hired traveling salesman wrote his first report to the home office.  It stunned the brass in the sales department because it was obvious the new man was a blithering illiterate.  Here is what he wrote…

Dere Bos —

I have seen this outfit which ain’t never bot a dimes worth of nothing from us and I sele them a couple hunerd thousand dolars of guds.  I am now going to Chicawgo.

Before the illiterate could be given the heave-ho by the sales manager, this letter came from Chicago:

I cum hear and sole them a half a millyon.

Fearful if he did, and fearful if he didn’t fire the illiterate, the sales manager dumped the problem in the lap of the president.

The following morning the ivory tower members were amazed to see the two letters posted on the bulletin board…and this memo from the president above:

We ben spending two much time trying to spel insted of trying to sel.  Let’s watch thoes sails.  I want everybody shud reed these leters from Gooch, who is on the rode doin a grate job for us, and you shud go out and do like he done.


In case you were unaware, let us first deal with the definition of the word “Gooch.”  It’s a slang term, referring to the perineum.  The perineum is the area (in both genders) between the genitals and the anus.  So…nice work there.

Also, I can’t help but notice that they slipped the word “cum” in there.

So…that’s who wants to do work for me.  Illiterates with an unhealthy obsession with semen and the taint.

I’m sold.


Comic Books Purchased (to be reviewed in “Empty Checking” this weekend):

  • The Avengers: The Infinity Gauntlet – Issues # 1 and 2 (of 4)
  • 1MONTH2LIVE – Issue #3 of 5
  • Batman Beyond – Issue #4 of 6
  • Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier – Issue #3 of 4
  • CBGB – Issue #3
  • Morning Glories – Issue #2