As is common knowledge among readers of the blog (if any) and my immediate circle of friends and family (if any), I helped to elect the current President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama. I think he’s doing a pretty good job, and it’s my hope that Americans see the “big” picture and aren’t just judging him on not having the superpower to make everything better overnight. I think we’re making good progress and we’ll get there, if we just stay the course.
However, as a patriotic American, I think it is my duty to offer my elected officials advice for the improvement of their public image and/or policies. In that spirit, I would like to offer the following ten suggestions to the Obama camp of things I think the President could do to help his image and really establish a foothold for future programs and policies.
Here we go:
- Bowties. Nothing but bowties with suits from now on. It’d do a lot for morale. If you can take a look at Mr. Obama in a bowtie and not giggle and smile a little, you’re a terrorist. (And I don’t mean those classy, tuxedo bowties…I’m talking red ones, plaid ones, striped ones…big, goofy bowties…)
- “Hail to the Chief” replaced by “Single Ladies.”
- Hug A Supermodel Day.
- Televise himself “kicking someone’s ass” over the BP oil spill. In the Octagon, if possible.
- Begin every speech with the phrase, “This speech was written by Joe Biden,” thereby excusing any gaffes and/or making it look like Joe’s actually improving.
- When walking into an event at which he is NOT speaking, upon walking though the door, shout “West-Side!” as loudly as possible.
- Three words: Judge Judge Reinhold.
- Arrange for the next Pope election to be held in America. When white smoke billows out of the Washington monument, not only will we know we’ve got a new Pope, we’ll also all get to make some really dirty jokes.
- Crack down on grown men riding bicycles in the middle of the road on my commute to/from work. (I voted. He owes me.)
- Add one star to the American flag, but not mention it to anyone. Just let people speculate.
…and I think that’ll get him re-elected.
- “Palm Sunday” by Kurt Vonnegut. Started it at the end of last month, but for some reason had trouble getting too far into it. Now I’m about halfway and it’s pretty good. It’s made up of essays and speeches and whatnot. That’s pretty interesting because you get the author’s ACTUAL thoughts rather than having to dig a message out of a plotline. It’s pretty informative and was written when I was about 1 or 2 years old…kinda cool to read KV’s weird, warped view of the world in my formative years, as it was happening.