Celebrities You NEVER Want to See Naked

This list was a good month or so in preparation between myself and my co-workers.  I’m not sure who started the game, but randomly, one of us would blurt out the name of a celebrity and we’d all rule on if we did or did not want to see that person naked.  Some choices were EASY.  Some required a LOT of debate.  Some weren’t based so much on actual physical attraction or repulsion as much as the fact that it’d just be creepy.  (Though, surprisingly, one or all of us HAS seen a shockingly high volume of the list at least semi-nude.)  We’re thinking of ranking them, but we haven’t gotten there yet.  It was ridiculous.  Text-messages and e-mails were flying during off-hours.  During work, we’d squabble away an entire lunch-hour (or what passes for a lunch hour in our office, anyway…as I’m sure you know “lunch” isn’t always as long or attainable as you’d like it to be in the office world) on some of the candidates.


We had very few ground rules…but they were basically as follows:


  1. This is completely objective.  It doesn’t matter what kind of person they are or how much you respect them for their craft…just completely, rudely, cruelly based on looks…do you want to see that?
  2. Your decision is based on how you best remember the celebrity.  Not necessarily how they USED to look, or how they look NOW…but classically, how you remember them best.
  3. Only one dead celebrity allowed per staff member.
  4. Only one pro-wrestler allowed per staff member.
  5. At one point, we declared a cap on fictional characters, but a lot got through before then.
  6. In case of debate, majority rules.
  7. Guys have to comment on guys, girls have to comment on girls…none of this “oh, I don’t think of my own gender like that blahblahblah…”  Get over yourself and JUDGE.
  8. If the majority don’t know who a particular celebrity is, “Trust me” is a valid argument on behalf of the party presenting the candidate.


Needless to say, we learned a LOT about ourselves and one another in the process.  Some things that can’t be taken back.  But, in all…I think we’re better people for it.  🙂


So…with no further ado…here’s the complete list.  For some reason, it was determined that my blog was the most appropriate place for this…dunno why.  We might get to ranking the top-ten or so eventually.  …and for the record, please don’t mistake this list as us saying we’re necessarily prime catches either.  It’s not a vanity thing…it was mostly just a way to make each other laugh that we thought we’d get everyone possible involved with.  Our apologies for any mis-spellings.




Celebrities You DO NOT Want to EVER See Naked

(In no particular order.)


Post-It Note #1:

  • Michael Moore
  • Rosie O’Donnell
  • Perez Hilton
  • Tony LaRussa
  • Rick Astley
  • Mr. Belvedere
  • Dennis Haskins
  • Calista Flockhart
  • Santa
  • Any Member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • Paula Deen
  • Bob Villa
  • Clay Aiken
  • Forest Whittaker
  • Amy Winehouse
  • Whoopi Goldberg
  • Sean Astin
  • Biz Markie
  • Dave Thomas (Founder of Wendy’s)
  • Dave Thomas (Actor)
  • Mr. Rogers
  • The Tooth Fairy
  • Robin Williams
  • Drew Carey
  • Julia Childs
  • Courtney Cox (post-‘Friends’)
  • Tom Arnold
  • Ron Jeremy (Which is particularly interesting, considering his job)
  • Richard Karn
  • Weird Al (Which met with an oddly large amount of debate)
  • George Lucas
  • Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Jack Nicholson
  • The Queen
  • Fergie (The Duchess of York)
  • Fergie (The Black Eyed Pea)

Post-It Note #2:

  • Randy Quaid
  • John Daly
  • Tracy Morgan
  • Randy Jackson
  • Chevy Chase
  • Terrance Trent Darby
  • Susan Boyle
  • George Bush Sr.
  • George Bush Jr.
  • Jimmy Carter
  • Barbara Bush
  • Al Gore
  • Tipper Gore
  • Ted Turner
  • Leonard Cohen
  • Sasha Baron Cohen
  • Oprah (Fat or Thin)
  • Ross Perot
  • Mike Nesmith
  • Ralph Nader
  • Joey Buttafuoco
  • John Wayne Bobbitt
  • Tonya Harding

Post it Note #3:

  • Don Johnson
  • Jerry Springer
  • Larry King
  • Nancy Grace (Remind me to tell a really horrible Nancy Grace joke later)
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Glenn Beck
  • Bob Saget
  • Dave Coulier
  • The girl that played Kimmy Gibbler
  • Nancy Pelosi
  • Elton John
  • Phil Collins
  • Vern Troyer
  • Emmanuel Lewis
  • Dick Cheney
  • Regis
  • Kathy Lee
  • Frank G (I’m not sure who we were talking about on that one…)
  • K Fed
  • Casey Kasem
  • Judge Judy
  • Bela Karolyi
  • George Wendt
  • John Ratzenberger
  • Norm McDonald
  • Max Wright (from ‘Alf’)
  • Sally Jesse Raphael
  • Maury Povich
  • Jay Leno
  • Jim Carrey
  • Jack Black
  • Nathan  Lane
  • Tony Little
  • Tony Curtis (though this is heavily debatable)
  • Kevin Bacon
  • Scott Hamilton
  • Vince McMahon
  • Kevin Smith
  • Ringo Starr
  • Star Jones
  • Al Roker

Post-It Note #4:

  • Clint Eastwood
  • Vince Vaughn
  • Stephen Segal
  • Katie Segal
  • Crosby
  • Stills
  • Nash
  • Young
  • Pete Rose
  • Al Sharpton
  • Aaron Neville
  • Bob Newhart
  • Billy Graham
  • George Lopez
  • Any member of Nickelback
  • kd lang
  • Hank Williams Jr
  • Marlon Brando (we all remember the fat, weird version)
  • Pamela Anderson
  • Joan Rivers
  • The Octomom
  • Meatloaf
  • Hugh Laurie (Which is almost hurts my feelings to say, incidentally…)
  • Rhea Pearlman
  • John C Reilly
  • Boy George
  • Danny DeVito
  • Kathy Bates

Post-It Note #5:

  • Lyle Lovett
  • Eartha Kitt
  • Phyllis Diller
  • Fred Savage
  • Paul Reiser
  • Howard Stern
  • Tom Petty (Debated)
  • Robin Quivers
  • Artie Lange
  • The Incredible Hulk
  • Papa Smurf
  • Velma from ‘Scooby Doo’
  • Kelsey Grammar
  • David Hyde Pierce
  • Ray Stevens
  • Rowan Atkinson
  • Willie Nelson
  • Don Imus
  • Jimmy Page
  • Tom Green
  • Hillary Swank (Debated)
  • Donald Trump
  • Bill Gates
  • Kathy Griffin
  • Ray Bolts
  • Gloria Steinem
  • Little Richard
  • Richard Simmons
  • Alfred Hitchcock
  • Biggie Smalls
  • John Cleese

Post-It Note #6:

  • Seth Rogen
  • Gallagher
  • Higgins from ‘Magnum PI’
  • Andy Griffith
  • Gene Shalit
  • Gary Schandling
  • Andy Dick
  • Andy Samberg
  • Bob Dole
  • Pretty much the entire cast of M*A*S*H (though there was some argument for Hot Lips)
  • Gary Busey
  • Nick Nolte
  • Brad Garrett
  • Christopher Walken
  • Paul “Pee Wee Herman) Rubens
  • Axl Rose
  • Slash
  • Dog the Bountyhunter
  • Dog the Bountyhunter’s wife
  • Willie McGee
  • Phillip Seymour Hoffman
  • Micky Rourke
  • Dr. Phil
  • Martina Navratilova
  • Paul Giamatti
  • Rob Schneider

Post-It Note #7:

  • Right Said Fred
  • The mom on ‘That 70s Show’
  • The guy that played ‘Booger’ in ‘Revenge of the Nerds’
  • The mom on ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’
  • John Voight
  • Uncle Phil (I’m not sure who that’s referring to…)
  • Papa John (from Papa John’s Pizza)
  • Angela Lansbury
  • Gary Coleman
  • Yoko Ono
  • Ted Drewes
  • Camilla Parker Bowles
  • Carson Daly
  • Stevie Wonder (Which is okay, because he can’t see it, either)
  • Tommy Lee Jones
  • Gabe Kaplan
  • Wanda Sikes
  • George Clinton
  • Sharon Osbourne
  • Ronald McDonald
  • The King from Burger King
  • Prince Charles
  • Trey Parker
  • Matt Stone
  • Charles Barkley
  • Alice Cooper
  • Charlie Daniels
  • Yao Ming
  • Beavis and Butthead

Post-It Note #8:

  • Gordon Ramsey
  • Carlos Mencia
  • Carrot Top
  • Gene Simmons
  • Courtney Love
  • Tammy Faye Baker
  • Jason Alexander
  • Pat Sajak
  • Tom Jones
  • Michael Flatley
  • The surviving ‘Golden Girls’
  • Venus Williams (but oddly, not Serena)
  • Rob Zombie
  • William Shatner
  • David Cross
  • Alan Greenspan
  • Flavor Flav
  • Brigitte Neilson
  • Zippra Zeppa
  • Wilford Brimley
  • Delta Burke
  • The guy that played ‘Hollywood’ in ‘Mannequin’
  • Everyone on the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour’
  • Garth Brooks
  • Larry Bird
  • Steven Hawking
  • Alex Trebek
  • Andy Richter
  • Mel Brooks
  • Gene Wilder
  • Rick Moranis
  • Darius Rucker


…and that’s where we stopped.  Did we miss any?  (If you have submissions, please abide by our rules.)

6 thoughts on “Celebrities You NEVER Want to See Naked”

  1. now you have to put them in head-to-head matches with each other until you have a winner. it’s the only real conclusion to this!…and post your matches and winners so we can all keep up-to-date!

  2. I love it… Bring out the brackets, folks, it’s time to find the all time celebrity that should always keep their clothes on!!

  3. I keep meaning to post a comment on this myself, but I keep forgetting…

    Let’s try this… Come up with no more than your personal top 5 from each list and then we’ll whittle it down from there. How’s that sound?

    1. Possibly! Though it’s been a while since I saw it and this time the first thing that came to mind was the guy who played Uncle Phil on Fresh Prince of Bel Air…but I know his name (James Avery), so maybe not.

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