An Open Letter to My Bank

Dear My Bank,


It’s direct deposit.  How is it “pending?!?”  Come on!  I’ve got bills to pay.


Also, stop charging me $0.25 every time I use my card as a debit.


Also, stop charging me $3 every time I use someone else’s ATM (on top of the usual $1.50-2.00 THAT bank charges me!).


Also, stop putting a hold on my card every time I buy something you think is “suspicious.”  (“Suspicious” often means just barely out of my own neighborhood for less than $50…but if I spend $200 in Chicago, they’re fine with that.)


In short, Bank…I’m starting to feel like I need a new bank.


Your friend,



PS – Also, why the hell doesn’t the branch nearest my house have a change-sorting machine?  It’s 2009!  Do you have any idea how many f***ing nickels I have?!?!?