As my last day in the office at SLCC nears, I’m remembering some of the stuff at the school that’s made me laugh over the years. A lot of it is from when I was a student, but there’s some staff-stuff there too. (Say that five times quickly: “Staff-stuff, staff-stuff, staff-stuff…”) Here are a few selected quotes and happenings from my time at SLCC, all involving faculty/staff members. Most of them aren’t very recent, because the recent stuff has not yet stood the test of time.
A couple of names have been withheld to protect…I dunno…people…from humorless idiots…
- Professor Doggett, upon watching a video promoting a HUGE youth-mission in China, where the missionaries are running around with a bunch of kids having a water-gun fight featuring HUNDREDS of kids with Super Soakers: “Well, they make them over there. May as well use them.”
- Professor Doggett again: “I try to give people a passing grade in my classes because I figure they’re probably failing everything else.”
- Dr. Jones was in class one day and moved from teaching-mode into preaching-mode. I don’t remember exactly what he was saying, but as he made his point, he was passionately pacing about the room. When he came to his conclusion, he walked right out of the door. You kind of had to be there, I guess…but seeing a guy preach his way out the door is pretty funny.
- An un-named professor, during the 2008 election, came up with the following joke: “Why can’t John McCain be a Charasmatic? Because he can’t lift his hands.”
- A student is stammering to find the words she wants to use to address former Greek professor, Dr. Bill Baker. In her frazzled state, she says, “Wait…uhh…dude…” Dr. Baker replies, “Oh, do not ever call me dude.”
- Similar one involving me. As I walk into the computer lab one day (this year, when I’m being treated as faculty), a student says, “Does this computer work, dawg?” To which I replied, “My name is Mr. Brink and no it doesn’t.” 🙂
- A guest Chapel speaker only two weeks after 9/11 PRAYED for the families of the terrorists who committed the attacks and prayed that if any of the terrorists on the plane had a change of heart, God would accept them into Heaven. I walked up to the man (whose name I do not recall) and thanked him, saying I thought I was alone in feeling that way. Then-Professor Terry Alcorn said, “This is Derek. He’s the school’s resident prophet.”
- One day, as a student, I was sitting in the Library office and my then-boss Terry Day was chatting with me, neither of us was particularly “working.” I said something to the effect of, “Yeah, sometimes I get a little bored in here when it gets too quiet.” At which point she replied, “Well you could always get off your fat ass and do something.” Still makes me laugh. 🙂
- Jan Fordyce, who was the head librarian before me, discussing the personalities of librarians: “Most librarians are just so…ugh…I don’t like them.”
- An un-named professor to a student who (in front of a class of about 20) tried to play the race-card because he thought the professor was unfair in giving him a poor grade on a late paper: “Oh right, I forgot that you’re black.” (EDIT: For the record, the student laughed at that comment.)
- Dr. Jones: “There’s a special place in Heaven for people like me. It’s called Hell.” (I’ve adopted that one and said it a LOT.)
- This one was a conversation between myself and the former Academic Dean, who for some reason took a shine to me when I was a student (name removed so his current employer can’t hold it against him). A faculty member joked to him that they should have the next faculty retreat at Fast Eddie’s (a very popular bar in this area). At this time I was a student, and students going to bars is a MASSIVE no-no as per our “Guide to Student Life.” Here’s the conversation that took place (and no, it’s not why he’s not at the college anymore, lol!):
- Me: Yeah! Let’s ALL go to Fast Eddies!
- The Dean: So how do YOU know about Fast Eddies?
- Me: I go there with my dad all the time!
- The Dean: [pause…shrug…] …alright.
- A conversation between me and an 18-year-old, male student/musician who worked for me about two years ago:
- Me: I mean, you’re a good looking guy. You’re so good looking that you don’t DESERVE to also have talent.
- Student: Uhh…
- Me: Was that weird to say? Does this qualify as work-place harassment? Please don’t tell anyone about this!
- Student: Well, I’m pretty sure that NOW it counts as work-place harassment.
- (Both laugh really hard.)
That’s just a few. Hope no one gets in trouble as a result. I don’t really see why they would…but people will whistle-blow on anything these days, even if it’s not a big deal. (Seriously…why can’t anyone take a joke anymore?) Apologies if anyone thinks any of that is inappropriate. You’re wrong…but I still apologize. 🙂
- I just made a BIG playlist of songs by Frank Black, Michael Penn, and Amiee Mann, since those three are the most constantly played on my iPod/Playlists. I called it “Black PennMann.” 🙂