I Had That Dream Again…

I’ve had a recurring dream ever since my mother died in 1994.  I don’t know if it’s able to be classified as a “nightmare,” but it does creep me out every time it happens, and it happened again last night.

 

The basic concept is that, in my dream, I could be doing anything.  I might be at work or hanging around the house…just regular stuff you might do anytime, and I’m always my present age (whatever that may be at the time).  These dreams never come in the form that I dream that I’m 14 or whatever.  Like last night, I was 28 and had all of my life experiences up to this point…and that’s where it gets creepy. 

 

No matter what I’m doing in the dream, at some point, my mom will show up.  It’s not that she resurrects from the dead or shows up as a ghost or anything.  She’s just THERE.  (No idea what age she is in this weird dream-world, by the way…)  The really weird thing is that I’m the only one who knows it’s wrong.  Doesn’t matter who else is in the dream.  Could even be my dad, brother, and (maternal) grandmother…I’m the ONLY one who knows she’s not supposed to be alive.

 

I rarely have any confrontation to that effect in the dream.  I don’t go around telling people that she should be dead or ask her about it or anything.  I just KNOW it.  The closest I remember getting to addressing the issue in the dream is that I know that if I start telling people she’s supposed to be dead, they’ll think I’ve lost my mind, so I keep my mouth shut.  Otherwise, I don’t ever remember having a definitive END to this dream…I just end up waking up, usually pretty freaked out and unable to get back to sleep.

 

Now…I don’t know what psychologists would make of that dream.  Unresolved issues?  Probably.  I do know that we fought over something really stupid on the day she died and we were barely speaking to one another when she went to bed.  But I thought I’d dealt with that.  I have no other possible explanation for why I keep having this dream, or why it disturbs me so much.  (Maybe there’s a correlation to the fact that I’ve been reading a lot of Lovecraft this week?)

 

…anyway I just thought I’d share that.  Maybe if I start talking about it, it’ll go away.