In recent weeks, I’ve kept finding myself wrapped up in the discussion of what does or does not constitute a “spoiler” on the Internet (or in real life). For those not familiar with the phrase, a spoiler is essentially a piece of information about a work (usually of fiction) that gives away some part of that work to someone who has not yet read/watched it and thereby “spoils” it for them. People take it to ridiculous levels… I can understand how someone doesn’t want the end of a book or movie “spoiled” for them, but there are those who won’t watch a COMMERCIAL for a television program because they don’t want to have even one second of the show “spoiled” for them. Uhh…sorry, dingus…that’s not a spoiler. It’s a commercial.
There is an ongoing debate about how long a potential “spoiler” should stand before it can be mentioned without warning. Some people consider anything a spoiler, regardless of time-expanse from the original release or airing of the work. Some people feel (and I agree) that those who REALLY wanted to know have probably already seen or read the work in question, and therefore the world can move on with its life and mention spoilers fairly quickly after the release of a work. My personal standard is that I’ll wait until a movie leaves the theatre, a book goes into paperback, or a TV show reaches the next episode.
With that in mind, and because I’m a tremendous jerk…
Here is a list of several things that I officially declare NO LONGER COUNT AS SPOILERS. So I’m not going to warn you to click away, because let’s face it…if you cared, you’d already know. (Keep in mind that this list is nowhere NEAR comprehensive, and is just stuff off the top of my head.)
- Rosebud was his sled.
- Frodo throws the ring into the volcano then lives…then sails off on a boat that apparently represents death.
- Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.
- The planet in “Planet of the Apes” is Earth.
- Ross and Rachel end up together in the end…which is stupid, btw.
- Charlie dies in Season Three of LOST.
- Batman catches the Joker (EVERY TIME).
- Dante and Randall buy the Quik Stop.
- There is no real ending to “The Catcher in the Rye,” but Holden seems pretty discontent.
- Beth dies in “Little Women.”
- The hypnotherapist kills Nicholas at the end of Dream Theater’s “Scenes from a Memory.”
- House is responsible for Wilson’s girlfriend dying…then Wilson abandons House…then he comes back (I think…I missed a couple of episodes this season, so I’m not 100% on that).
- The Sopranos just cuts to black at the end, proving that I was right all along…the show sucks.
- He gets her combs and she sold her hair (“Gift of the Magi”).
- Kristin Shepard shot JR.
- The Rams lost.
- They nuke “Cloverfield,” but there’s a hidden message in the credits that says, “It’s still alive.” But they aren’t too likely to make a sequel…so it’s probably dead.
- “Wolves.” (Ten bucks to anyone who knows what that’s a reference to without Googling, and who isn’t my brother.)
- Jesus gets nailed to a cross.
- Joe Pesci dies in pretty much every movie he’s in…so pick one.
- Harry Potter lives, but always carries a scar.
- In “Rebecca,” Rebecca was cheating on him and he kills her then covers it up — but she also had cancer and sort of wanted him to kill her — he gets away with it and the house burns down, presumably killing Mrs Danvers.
- George shoots Lenny. (The movie version with Gary Sinise and John Malkovich is excellent, btw.)
…and that’s enough. Feel free to add your own in the comments. I’m sure I missed a LOT. 🙂
- The extra stuff on the LOST Season Four DVD.