In life, we all have those little moments where we learn something. They may not be anything VERY significant or even interesting to anyone else but you, but they are moments when you think, “I must remember not to do that again.” Thinking over my life…here are ten things I learned that I really wish someone would have told me in advance. Enjoy!
- If you put a fast-food item in the microwave still in its wrapper, it’s likely to burst into flames.
- If you hit your fingernail hard enough, it’ll look all weird and purple after a while and the white part will start to move down toward the end of the nail. But don’t worry! That purple part is the NEW nail coming in. Once the white part is gone, you’ll have a whole new nail to screw up all over again.
- If you handle habanero peppers, wash your hands THOROUGHLY before going to the bathroom.
- It’s okay for Jewish people to talk like Mel Brooks, but when YOU do it, it’s offensive.
- You can sneeze and fart at the same time…but I wouldn’t recommend it.
- If you drink an entire bottle of DayQuil in one hour, you will not remember the rest of the evening.
- He who hosts your e-mail can also READ your e-mail.
- You never stop feeling bad about the time you cursed-out the old lady.
- If you drink beer, then a couple full glasses of whiskey, do NOT follow it up with a corned beef sandwich.
- If you don’t know where the spider went, strip off your clothing and IMMEDIATELY shower.
Hope that helped some of you avoid doing things I’ve done.
- Re-watched “The Great Race” starring Jack Lemon and Tony Curtis last night. One of my favorite movies. Always funny. Super-bummer about Natalie Wood, though…