So, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go. And that pisses me off so bad!
Here’s the rule, people…your lights and decorations are NOT permitted to be arranged and lit up until the day AFTER Thanksgiving. You’re at LEAST a week and a half early, most of you. Even around the office, they’re already decorating. They have the “excuse” of the students being off for the full week of Thanksgiving, then they’re only here for two weeks…but come on! Two weeks of merriment should be more than enough at a college!
Also, you’re all way too early with your Christmas music. I was hearing that stuff on the radio before HALLOWEEN (when all good Christians celebrate the birth of Satan, or something). I’ll allow you to listen to Christmas music slightly earlier than I’ll allow the lights and whatnot…but give a guy a break. I mean…I don’t LIKE Christmas music. Well, most of it, anyway. I like a handful of songs (it’s approximately 12)…but if I hear “Carol of the Bells” one more time, I’m going to…do…something. I haven’t quite worked out what yet.
Contrary to all of the above, I love Christmas. I like buying stuff for other people and watching them open it…and YES, I’m not afraid to admit that I like getting gifts just as much, if not more (anyone who says they “don’t” is a liar, and deserves no presents). I like getting together with family and friends. I like the weird slushy thing that Susan makes every year that usually causes me quite a headache the next morning. I even actually LIKE the decorations! It’s just too early.
…and balance all of that against the fact that I’m the guy who wrote a song titled “A Joyous Christmas Hymn,” which contains the f-word in every line. (Not “stanza,”mind you…every LINE.)
- “I WILL NOT HAVE GEORGE BUSH RUIN CHRISTMAS FOR THIS FAMILY!!!” – Me
- “I like being the underdog. It’s better than sucking.” – Frank Black
- “Get some self-confidence, you worthless piece of sh*t!” – Heeley