Seems like I have to write one of these posts a year…and I guess it’s that time of year, since there’s been a rash of this kind of thing lately…so here we go…AGAIN…
I’m not lonely. I’m not sad. I’m not bitter. I just don’t have a girlfriend. Stop bothering me.
Most recently, it came up the other night. We were hanging out, making plans for the weekend, and the other guys I was with mentioned that they were going to bring their wives/girlfriends along this weekend. I offhandedly said, “So I’ll be the only one without a girlfriend again.” That led to twenty minutes of people either giving me advice about my love-life or trying to build up my self-confidence… All I was trying to say was that I knew that them bringing their wives/girlfriends meant that I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to that night. And when I specifically asked that we stop talking about it, we didn’t…I then got irritated, and I’m pretty sure I pissed one or two of them off a little bit.
So…to be absolutely clear… I don’t want to meet your sister’s friend. I don’t want to “keep my eyes open” around the office (which, actually, would probably breech my contract since I’m pretty sure they don’t want management-level college employees dating students). I don’t want to change my hang-outs just to meet more women (and, by the way, I don’t want to meet a woman in a bar). I don’t want to be pitied by those who think that having someone in your bed somehow makes your life better or complete (it doesn’t–or shouldn’t, anyway). I don’t want to take out a personal ad on match.com or craigslist (if I’m ever that desperate, I’m much more likely to kill myself than to fill out the form and date a complete stranger that neither I nor anyone I know has ever met). I don’t want your advice. I don’t want your opinion. I don’t want to be told that “things will be okay.”
Things ARE okay.
I am not lonely. I am alone. There is a gigantic difference. Yes, anyone who knows me well knows that loneliness is my biggest fear. But the key there is the “anyone who knows me well” part… That’s how I avoid loneliness…I build friendships. If I wanted to be dating someone, I’ve actually got a few options I could–for want of a better word–explore. But I haven’t. Why? Don’t want to. When I want to, I will…or when someone who appeals to me reveals her interest, I’ll act on it. But it won’t be because anyone told me to, advised me, set me up, encouraged me, sympathized with me, and/or paid someone else their hourly wage to come by my house. It’ll be because I wanted to. For now, though, I’m completely content, and it would actually probably bring me LESS contentment to enter into a relationship, or go on a date with the person, persons, animals, vegetables, or minerals you think would be perfect for me. (Here’s the part where you say, “You sound just like I did before I met my wife/husband” and I start looking for things in the room to beat you about the face with.)
…and some of you who are meddling should really take a second and remember how pissed off I was at you the LAST time you opened your mouths.
So…that said…see you with this same basic message next year pending, of course, any relationship or marriage I may enter into. But don’t count your chickens.