Top 10 Awful Places I’d Rather Go than "To My High School Reunion"

Just a disclaimer: This post is NOT directed at the people I’ve stayed in touch with, who I actually LIKE. It’s also not directed to the people I actually sought out on things like MySpace or Facebook (the latter of which is GREAT, and the former of which is dead to me). Unless, of course, you’re one of the people who didn’t bother hitting “accept friend request” or accepted it and then never made any additional contact with me…especially if I sent you a PM or something…

Anyway…this isn’t directed at the people I like…it’s directed to the people who’re keeping me from attending my reunion because they’re the people I could genuinely go the rest of my life without seeing or thinking about again–who are many. It’s mostly tongue in cheek. It’s not that I’m bitter about my high-school days, I’ve just had a MUCH better and fuller life SINCE then, and I have no need to go back–in fact, thinking back on it sometimes just makes me a little sad…so, no, I won’t be attending…and these are the other places I’d rather go instead.


10. A Dave Matthews concert. – Let’s face it, if I want boring and pretentious, I don’t have to sit with people I barely remember and who don’t know me. I can at least go to the show and say, “Meh, it was dry and boring, but at least most of the band was talented.”

9. Hell – (That’s right, if you’re paying attention, I’d rather go to Hell than go to a Dave Matthews Concert.) At least in Hell I could meet people like Hitler, Nixon…probably one of those guys from Skynard… Tell me that wouldn’t be awesome–y’know, if I could leave after it…like on a day-pass or something.

8. Denny’s. – Moons Over My Hammy? More like Moons Over My Awesome!

7. A carpet store. – At least there’s probably a place I could sneak off to and take a nap on something soft. I need to carpet the house sooner or later anyway, and if I go to the carpet store instead of to my reunion, at least I’ll be addressing some part of my life that presently matters to me. Plus, my high-school kind of smelled like a carpet store…so…

6. Back to that hotel I stayed in overnight in Des Moines. – My diary entry from that night: “The other guys in the room have already gone to bed, so I’m writing this in a hotel bathtub in Des Moines, Iowa. I HATE bathtubs in Des Moines, Iowa. I have a vision of my death happening in a bathtub in Des Moines, Iowa.” To be fair, there are parts of Des Moines I really enjoyed…but the hotel-area has NOTHING in it but hotels. There’s nothing to do there…it’s boring. If you want to do something, you wander down to the lobby and watch TV…which is still more interesting than my high-school education, because we weren’t allowed to leave and watch TV.

5. To dinner with Dan Quayle. – I’m so liberal I’m still pissed at Quayle for the Murphy Brown thing…but at least he’d be good for a laugh, if I’m wanting pointless nostalgia. I mean, the leftover potato/e jokes alone would keep me busy for about a half-hour. “Hey, Dan…try these fries. Do you know what they make fries from Dan?” Classic.

4. To an American Idol taping. – I knew a bunch of singers in high-school who thought they were good. Recently saw one of them working in a drive-thru…this one seems to just about break-even.

3. That freaky-ass island on “LOST.” – Even if my high school had been AWESOME…I mean…c’mon… Hurley?

2. The grave of Lazarus round-about day two. – At least I’d know it’d be getting better.

1. One word – Tesh.

Current Listening:

  • A bunch of Pearl Jam on “Random” on my iPod.

2 thoughts on “Top 10 Awful Places I’d Rather Go than "To My High School Reunion"”

  1. Ouch. Just…. ouch. On many levels.

    Are there any of your high school acquaintances who would wish you into hell? I hope not.

    I missed my 10-year reunion, cuz they had the intelligence to hold it Thanksgiving Weekend that year (2004). I was in Chicago with the in-laws.

  2. Heh…I’d hope none of them would WISH me there! 🙂 Actually, there are probably only a handful of people from my high school class who really remember me well. Most of my friends were either older or younger (mostly older). Most of the significant people from that time in my life wouldn’t even BE there–a couple might, if they choose to go–but for the most part, there’s only a handful from my own class that I really ran with, anyway.

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