Partytime Wasting is Too Much Fun

(The title’s a Roxy Music reference…)

I’m thinking of changing the name of this blog to something like “The Insomniac Manifesto.” Seems like I only really blog when I’m exhausted from lack of sleep…then I mostly only talk about how tired I am.

I was up until roughly 4:30 last night…and the night before. Sure, in the mean-time, I crashed from about 3-6 in the afternoon…but that actually kind of makes it worse. I don’t know if people understand how physical a condition insomnia is…let me see if I can clarify.

On a day like this, it hurts. My head hurts. My eyes burn. I can FEEL my teeth. My joints ache. My back and arms are particularly sore today–and I expect that my chest will soon hurt from overcompensating for my arms aching. My feet are cold. I’m jittery. I find myself squinting a lot, even though I don’t really need to. My stomach’s upset. …and it’s only just after 9:00 a.m.

That’s pretty much average, when I have insomnia. In fact, I’ve had FAR worse days…but this is still the kind of thing that makes you want to call in sick. Especially from a job like mine, which is largely spent sitting around waiting on things to happen and/or doing paperwork (or, in this case, typing random stuff on my blog to try to stay awake while I’m waiting on a file to finish moving from drive to drive). If my job were slightly more active, like a retail store or janitorial work or something, it wouldn’t be so bad…but at this gig, I sit down most of the day, and falling asleep is a very ready temptation–even when it’s NOT dead in here.

It’s almost like having the flu, or a fever…but no one’s really sympathetic. I’ve said it before on this blog, and I’ll say it again… People think it’s an excuse. They hear, “I only got a couple of hours of sleep last night” and think that translates to, “I was up all night watching movies” or “I was partying hard last night.” The truth is, I was up mostly thinking about how stupid it was that I wasn’t sleeping. Sleep is a basic thing, and when you can’t do it, you kind of get obsessed with WHY it won’t happen…and that keeps me awake. That thought of, “Okay…if I fall asleep right…NOW! I’ll get three hours…crap…I didn’t fall asleep.” So THEN I start watching movies. I may as well not be bored and paranoid about how much sleep I COULD be getting, y’know?

Anyway…sorry to waste your time with that. Back to work…the file’s all moved. Maybe I’ll get some coffee first, though…


One thought on “Partytime Wasting is Too Much Fun”

  1. Obviously, I’ve heard of insomnia but I’ve never actually experienced it full on…and clearly I’m thankful for that.

    I’ve had sleepless nights…and I’ve never really been a “sleep through the night” kind of guy. I know how I feel when I don’t get a fair amount of rest, though, so I can only imagine what you’re going through.

    Clearly I have nothing of substance to offer…but I hope the coffee helps. I live for coffee.

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