Love, Reign O’er Me…or something like that…

I apologize in advance for feeling the need to post this, but it’s 7:20 in the morning, and the following subject has come up in three different e-mails from three different people all in this one morning…so, here we go…

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“Derek, when are you going to settle down?”

“Derek, why don’t you find yourself a girlfriend?”

“Derek, why don’t you ask so-and-so out? She’s probably already interested.”

“So, Derek, have you asked her out yet?”

Shut up! Just shut up!!!

I’m sick and tired of people telling me how to run my “love-life.” I wish everyone would just butt-out, but since it appears to BE everyone’s business, as evidenced by the fact that it’s all anyone has to say to me lately…

Maybe I don’t WANT to ask “so-and-so” out. Maybe I want to ask someone ELSE out…or maybe I don’t want to ask ANYONE out until I’ve got my life together enough to feel like it’s not going to be a burden on someone else to be brought into it. Or, maybe the girl I actually WANT to ask out isn’t interested…or maybe I’m too big a coward and too afraid of rejection to say, “Would you like a cup of coffee?” (And, by the way, one of the girls a lot of you keep recommending to me doesn’t even LIKE coffee…so now what am I supposed to do?)

Look…I made a deal with God a few years ago. If He wants me to be with someone, He’ll make it abundantly clear to me. It’ll pretty much entail the girl–whoever HE chooses her to be–giving me some uber-significant sign that even I can’t misinterpret (I’m famous for misinterpreting signs). Until that happens, I’m sorry, but I’m not chasing anyone. She’s pretty much going to have to chase me (and before you start on it, I don’t mean that in the chauvinist-pig way). I have a long-standing habit of choosing the WRONG girl, and in most of my relationships, I’ve known that going in. I’ve never consulted God when it comes to my love-life, and I’ve always screwed it up horribly, because I didn’t rely on Him, and in fact ignored some pretty big tell-tale signs that I’m heading in the wrong direction… So, in roughly the year 2002 (or 2003, I can’t recall), I made the decision to stop chasing women, and to trust God to point out the right person to me. Unless you meet the qualification of either being God or the girl He’s chosen from me, you’re honestly not involved and you need to back off. It’s not that I don’t like the world of “so-and-so’s” that everyone’s picked out for me. They’re all quite lovely, and I’d be lucky to be with any of them. However, the fact of the matter is that the ball is in God’s court, and few if any of you who’ve been advising me are qualified to act as His emissary in this scenario. So quit it.

While we’re on the subject… I’M NOT LONELY! Even if I go my entire life without being married, and die alone, that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I’ve admitted in many ways over the years that my biggest fear is loneliness…thus, I have built community. If ever I am getting lonely, I always have someone I can call (except on New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day). Stop worrying about me. I’m fine…I’m just a bit pissed that people keep talking to me about it.

If you’re God, or the girl/woman He’s sent, feel free to inquire. As for the rest of you, I’m sick of that look you keep giving me that’s a mix of sincerity, sympathy, and confusion…it’s entirely misplaced. If God wants that to happen for me, He’ll arrange it. YOU won’t. It’ll happen in a combination of His timing and my timing…YOUR timing doesn’t mean a thing, I’m afraid.

To the rest of you, who’ve been polite enough not to grill me about my romantic endeavors, I apologize that you had to sit through that (although you could’ve stopped reading at any time…der!), but this sort of thing is what blogs are for…I think… 🙂

Rant over. You may now continue your internet experience.