Dear My Bank,
It’s direct deposit. How is it “pending?!?” Come on! I’ve got bills to pay.
Also, stop charging me $0.25 every time I use my card as a debit.
Also, stop charging me $3 every time I use someone else’s ATM (on top of the usual $1.50-2.00 THAT bank charges me!).
Also, stop putting a hold on my card every time I buy something you think is “suspicious.” (“Suspicious” often means just barely out of my own neighborhood for less than $50…but if I spend $200 in Chicago, they’re fine with that.)
In short, Bank…I’m starting to feel like I need a new bank.
Your friend,
-Derek
PS – Also, why the hell doesn’t the branch nearest my house have a change-sorting machine? It’s 2009! Do you have any idea how many f***ing nickels I have?!?!?
